I Was Lost, Now I'm Found
by agrainne24
Summary: When Colonel O'Neill is stranded off world with Maybourne, Sam realises he's not the only one who is lost. Episode Tag for Paradise Lost. How I think the episode should have played out.


**A/N: I don't own anything Stargate related. :( This is for wackyjacqs (again :) ), because without her constant begging this would not have been written so thank you!**

Samantha Carter wasn't fooling anyone or at least that's how it seemed to her. She'd kept it together over the last few weeks admirably well but the news that General Hammond was recalling them all back to Earth without finding the Colonel finally broke down the walls that Sam had carefully built around her feelings. She snapped and she let everyone know of her stress. She had never spoken to anyone the way she had just spoken to Dr Lee and it scared her. The Colonel's disappearance was affecting her more than she liked to admit. In her denial**,** she didn't realise that the stress was building to such a crescendo that when the dam broke she couldn't stem the flow.

She escaped to the dark locker room hoping to deal with her grief in peace. Yes, she could admit it was griefand it hit her twofold because she hadn't dealt with Daniel's death either and now it was all happening at once. Now the Colonel was missing. What if shenever saw him again? It just did not bear thinking about. Tears were streaming down her faceas she thought back over their 'relationship' or whatever it was they had. She still found it confusing. She had feelings for him. Feelings which she didn't dare think about, let alone speak out loud. She was also uncertain of his feelings for her and so on went the cycle of 'what if' and it never got resolved. Not that they could resolve anything being on the same team and she being under his command.

It was a vicious cycle and one she'd grown to hate of late. She had thought she was fine with the way things stood between them because she got to spend each day with him but when the Colonel went missing she realised she was not fine with it. When, not if, they found the Colonel she was going to talk to him. They couldn't stay in this limbo forever. They deserved happiness after everything they'd been through to keep this planet safe. She'd do anything to make it happen. Resign if need be, the SGC gave civilian scientists contracts. Why would she be any different?

Her thoughts were interrupted by the locker room door opening. She didn't need to turn around to know it was Teal'c. The teammates always seemed to find each other when one or the other needed comfort or was hurt. And boy did Sam need Teal'c**'s** silent understanding right now. She let her grief for their friends spill out onto his shoulder and he held her in silence until she was ready to speak.

"It's too soon, Teal'c. I can't lose him so soon after Daniel. It's just too much. I can't..."

"I know, Major Carter. I miss them too. They were as brothers to me."

Fresh tears sprang into Sam's eyes as Teal'c recounted the many ways Jack would annoy Daniel just to make them all smile. Daniel had been oblivious to it all. He just thought Jack was being Jack.

Teal'c put a comforting arm around Sam's shoulder and told her that Colonel O'Neill always had faith in her to find a solution.

"That's what scares me, Teal'c. What if this time I can't figure..."

Suddenly an idea sparked in Sam and she ran out of the locker room, calling to Teal'c as she made her way down the corridor. "I need to look at some photos that were taken on the planet, Teal'c I think I've an idea."

"Of course, Major Carter."

Teal'c smiled. His teammate was back to herself again.

Days later, Jack found himself wandering into Carter's lab. He couldn't put his finger on it but he was sure his second in command was avoiding him. No, he was sure of it and now he wanted to know why.

"Hey Carter, whatcha doin'?"

Jack smiled as he saw Carter head deep in some new doohickey of hers.

"Not much, Sir."

Jack noted Carter didn't look up at him. Yep she was avoiding him alright. He decided to try another tack as he came around her workbench.

"I'm just going for some Jell-O. Want some? There may even be cake!"

Sam jumped. She hadn't heard her CO move, so preoccupied was she in not looking at him.

"I'm not hungry, Sir."

"Carter, look at me. You're avoiding me."

"I am not!"

Jack raised an eyebrow and Sam's face crumbled. She tried her best to hold back the tears that were forming in her eyes. But one look at the Colonel's sympathetic face and the floodgates threatened to open again. Please don't say it. Please don't...

"C'mere."

There he said it and now the tears were freely flowing down her face as he gathered her in his arms. Gently placing his head in the crook of her neck he held close, letting her sobs subside. It was a comfort to him to have her in his arms. It felt right and he missed having the opportunity to do this when he was on that godforsaken place with Maybourne. He felt movement against his cheek and he realised she was speaking so softly he had to strain to hear.

"It was so hard...so hard. I couldn't cope if you had gone. I couldn't. With Daniel gone too it would have been too much. It's too much."

She was still shaking as he gathered her face in his hands to make her look into his eyes. When she did, he saw the devastation in her eyes.

"I know, Carter. I'm home now. I'm here now.**" **

Sam nodded her head as he gathered her in his arms once again. She felt at home.

He was home.


End file.
